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Sunday, July 24, 2011

Went for monthly shoot today and my score was 95 91 95 95 95 93. Total score was 564, 5 points off the cut of. Actually, I estimated for my score to be around 555. Anyway, that's the results from about 1 or 2 weeks of training. I remember coach saying that I am capable of shooting 560+ as long as I am able to focus and keep my mind clear. I suppose she can tell that something is bothering me but guessed it's too sensitive to ask. Perhaps it's because there are times my eyes became red. Of course there were tears but I was able to control it such that it would not be an excessive amount that cause it to be visible. Ever since that incident, going to the range would bring back both the happy and unhappy memories. The negative side is that both types would cause the same effect which I am unable to describe now. But I was glad that I had those happy memories. Often, I felt like quitting but it's the words from my coaches that helped me to proceed on with the sports. Coach Zhu would always say that I have the potential and would ask me to continue to train and improve. Sooner or later I would be able to produce good scores. On the other hand, da ge would sometimes scold me (positive type/positive criticism) so that I could wake up from the nightmare and move on. Although filled with depressing emotions, I would still drag myself to the range either for work or for training. I have to face the problem instead of running away from it. I told the certain someone (don't think she would be reading my blog anymore) that she should face the situation. If that is the case, I have to overcome my problem first. If I can't do that, how do I expect her to do the same?

Let's start talking about today's shoot. Oh well, I didn't expect myself to get such scores. As usual, all the unhappy stuff starts flooding into my mind while in the range (SAFRA range this time). However, I kept pushing on. at my 42nd shot onwards, my mind really couldn't take it but I pushed myself (I didn't fall down so don't worry) and continued. The same thing happened for my 56th shot onwards. Although the last 5 shots consists of 4 nines and an eight, I felt proud of myself because I was still able to overcome my problem although not completely. I had a 7 and an 8 in my second series but the total number of shots with less than 9 was at most 5 shots i think. Only if I was able to focus completely, I might have kept all shots at least 9 points and probably more 10 points. I will still train hard and not disappoint those who supported me ever since the start of my shooting "career".

Came back home and saw her online. I'm quite glad that I didn't get blocked out. At least no matter how mean I was, she's still kind enough to keep my contact. I made a promise not to contact her for the rest of this month and I have to keep that promise. I messed up many other things I am trying very hard now to resolve everything and to save everything. She was my everything and although things will not be as beautiful as before(unless if there's some miracle), I am still hoping that we can be close friends and meet often (even if I got into new relationship(s)). Let time heal our wounds and once they are healed, then we will work on removing the scars. Well, the doctor (me) and the patient (her) will have to work together so that the scars can be removed completely. I am working on the scars on my own with the help of friends :)

If you are reading my blog, I hope you'll do well in your studies, be in the best of health, be happy and smile often :) My challenge is still on so feel free to claim your reward anytime you want as long as you have the evidence.

I hope my efforts get paid off too. Will still be trying very hard so that things will become better(even if it means controlling myself not to contact you like now) (:

1:42 PM ; smile'