Smile
Saturday, July 30, 2011

Went to check into the "Hotel" earlier and was quite shocked with the cleanliness of the room. Spent hours just to clean it. Did the cleaning twice and I think a 3rd time will be needed. Quite sad that my room mate didn't get to go for Hall Camp. Guess I'll need to really make new friends. I hope I won't be the burden of my group.

Still hoping for the same thing and I hope it will come true.

Next song would be "Believe". (will add in the song at a later time)



Unable to find any words, I instinctively reached out to touch your shoulder
And you, without saying anything, coldly broke free
Because of a trivial misunderstanding, our young love is giving way
I don't want to see such a sad face

Even though your dream may be dissolving, just don't abandon that smile
It's what keeps my own heart glowing

We swore one day to build the future with our own hands
At any cost, on this planet, no matter where on it you are
And now the two of us stand with pained eyes and glances diverted,
But I believe we'll be able to meet again

The starry sky we used to gaze up at together, where so much light streamed through
All the memories of that still won't fade away

If you really listen for it, you'll begin to hear that phrase
in the melody of the flute that was played

And behind the sky, in the tomorrow my heart depicts,
In that same place, I'll be right by your side once more
Surely we'll be together from now on, plunging ahead through these days
Because there could be a meaning to all of this after all

We swore one day to build the future with our own hands
At any cost, on this planet, no matter where on it you are
And behind the sky, in the tomorrow my heart depicts,
In that same place, I'll be right by your side once more
Now the two of us stand with pained eyes and glances diverted,
But I believe we'll be able to meet again



Too tired to write anymore stuff. Hope we will be able to meet again.



11:59 PM ; smile'

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Went for monthly shoot today and my score was 95 91 95 95 95 93. Total score was 564, 5 points off the cut of. Actually, I estimated for my score to be around 555. Anyway, that's the results from about 1 or 2 weeks of training. I remember coach saying that I am capable of shooting 560+ as long as I am able to focus and keep my mind clear. I suppose she can tell that something is bothering me but guessed it's too sensitive to ask. Perhaps it's because there are times my eyes became red. Of course there were tears but I was able to control it such that it would not be an excessive amount that cause it to be visible. Ever since that incident, going to the range would bring back both the happy and unhappy memories. The negative side is that both types would cause the same effect which I am unable to describe now. But I was glad that I had those happy memories. Often, I felt like quitting but it's the words from my coaches that helped me to proceed on with the sports. Coach Zhu would always say that I have the potential and would ask me to continue to train and improve. Sooner or later I would be able to produce good scores. On the other hand, da ge would sometimes scold me (positive type/positive criticism) so that I could wake up from the nightmare and move on. Although filled with depressing emotions, I would still drag myself to the range either for work or for training. I have to face the problem instead of running away from it. I told the certain someone (don't think she would be reading my blog anymore) that she should face the situation. If that is the case, I have to overcome my problem first. If I can't do that, how do I expect her to do the same?

Let's start talking about today's shoot. Oh well, I didn't expect myself to get such scores. As usual, all the unhappy stuff starts flooding into my mind while in the range (SAFRA range this time). However, I kept pushing on. at my 42nd shot onwards, my mind really couldn't take it but I pushed myself (I didn't fall down so don't worry) and continued. The same thing happened for my 56th shot onwards. Although the last 5 shots consists of 4 nines and an eight, I felt proud of myself because I was still able to overcome my problem although not completely. I had a 7 and an 8 in my second series but the total number of shots with less than 9 was at most 5 shots i think. Only if I was able to focus completely, I might have kept all shots at least 9 points and probably more 10 points. I will still train hard and not disappoint those who supported me ever since the start of my shooting "career".

Came back home and saw her online. I'm quite glad that I didn't get blocked out. At least no matter how mean I was, she's still kind enough to keep my contact. I made a promise not to contact her for the rest of this month and I have to keep that promise. I messed up many other things I am trying very hard now to resolve everything and to save everything. She was my everything and although things will not be as beautiful as before(unless if there's some miracle), I am still hoping that we can be close friends and meet often (even if I got into new relationship(s)). Let time heal our wounds and once they are healed, then we will work on removing the scars. Well, the doctor (me) and the patient (her) will have to work together so that the scars can be removed completely. I am working on the scars on my own with the help of friends :)

If you are reading my blog, I hope you'll do well in your studies, be in the best of health, be happy and smile often :) My challenge is still on so feel free to claim your reward anytime you want as long as you have the evidence.

I hope my efforts get paid off too. Will still be trying very hard so that things will become better(even if it means controlling myself not to contact you like now) (:



1:42 PM ; smile'

Saturday, July 23, 2011

A few days passed only but I think I'll just update a little. My tagbox and comments are being flooded with spam links so if any friend(s) have comments, kindly contact me via other means.

Anyway, I have been trying to pack myself with work and appointments these few weeks to try to distract myself from thinking about certain stuff. This month is a very difficult month for me. Although I was told it wasn't a mistake back then, now I do think it's a very big mistake. Have I not done well enough? Or was it a mistake in the first place? I seriously do not know. I would like to have answers. But I believe that I would never get any. even if I do, I wouldn't know if it's the truth.

If I remember correctly, Ms Lacus mentioned before that it is alright to cry. However, Kira did say he don't want to cry anymore and eventually, we never got to see him shed a tear anymore. That's only if life can be as simple as an anime.

A lot of ppl thinks I'm dumb to be like still doing what I'm doing now but then, I'm dumb in the first place. If not, things may not have turned out to be how it is now. Don't even know what the outcome is but I am willing to spend on it. I can only hope things turn out well.

Actually I forgot what I actually wanted to write in too...



10:45 AM ; smile'

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Felt stupid for all the mean things I have done which made things impossible to go back to how they were even if there were to be a miracle. Somehow, I just don't think of the consequences carefully before I do things. Thus hurting others and eventually hurting myself. Deeply regretted my actions and I hope it is not too late.

I was thinking about something. If God really exist, can someone please ask Him to stop playing tricks on me? Some friends say it's a trial but why do I have to be reminded about the unhappy events when I was already ready to move on? I guess there's nothing I can do and just hope things will become better.



Anyway, changed the song to something else to describe how I'm feeling now. This song is 1 of the songs used in Gundam Seed. Below is the translation. Although the person whom is song is dedicated for would most likely not view this blog, but I would still hope the message will be passed over somehow.

In this quiet night, I'm waiting for you
During that time, your smile has faded away
Now that a little time has passed,
Fond memories start to resurface.

At the place where stars fall,
I'm always wishing for your laughter.
Even though we're apart now
We can meet again, right?

From when has my smile faded this much
Since it was shattered by one mistake
Change only the precious things into light and*
Go beyond the sky with fortitude.

To the place where stars fall,
I want my thoughts to reach you.
I am always by your side
Since I will embrace that coldness.
Even though we're apart now,
We will definitely be back together.

In the quiet night...



10:30 PM ; smile'

Saturday, July 16, 2011

A lot of things happened and i kind of like don't feel like writing here cause i will be reminded of all the unhappiness. I can just say that I'm always the one who caused my own downfall...

People say rules and promises are meant to be broken but to me, they are to be followed. I don't know how long the promises I made will last but at some time and during different circumstances, these promises will have to be broken.

I am rather attracted to several anime characters mainly because of their abilities in the anime. However, I prefer some of their personalities and the things they do. I will probably just talk about characters I prefer in Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

In no order of preference, 1st up is Lambo (kid). Lambo is 5-6 years old throughout the whole show. at that young age, he does not need to attend school and there's practically nothing for him to worry about. All he needs to do is just to have fun and enjoy himself.

Next up, Hibari Kyoya. Hibari Kyoya is somewhat similar to me in terms of preference such as not liking noisy and crowded places. Similarly, we don't like to be binded by anything. More of we prefer to decide our own fates.

Lastly, Sawada Tsunayoshi(Tsuna). Tsuna is rather similar to be in most cases just that I'm not as bad in everything he is and I do not have intuition as good as his. Tsuna is practically bad at everything he does be it studies or sports.

Let's also just say that I'm not good with decision making. Sometimes, although I know I would offend someone, I chose to say things that will offend the other person. there's a chinese idiom that says good advice are often awful to the ear. Meaning ppl prefer to be curry flavoured all over instead of accepting criticism. There are things which I do or say which offend others especially my loved ones but it is all because I care.

What has been done cannot be undone. Hope is lost but I still would like to believe in a miracle although I wasted 1 entering into a local university.



12:46 PM ; smile'

Friday, July 08, 2011

I'm not dead yet but didn't sleep until almost 5am, the time I was supposed to go for my run. Woke up around 8am. Anyway, I'm dedicating this song to someone who I don't think will visit my blog. (remember to pause the mixpod before playing this song). Since the song is dedicated to her, I am putting in the lyrics in traditional Chinese which she is able to read. This song elaborates how I am feeling and thinking for the past few days(or at least 90% or so). Although the song title is talking about rain in June(literally) and it's July now, the meaning is there.

六月的雨 by 胡歌

一場雨 把我困在這裏 你冷漠的表情會讓我傷心
六月的雨 就是無情的你 伴隨著點點滴滴痛擊我心裏

wo~我不相信 你不是故意的 卻為何把我丟棄在風雨裏
wo~我不忍心 也不想背叛你 唯有默默等你 回心轉意

我沒有放棄 也不會離你而去 那怕要分開 我依然等你
我全心全意 等你的消息 總會有一天
你會相信我 我愛你

一場雨 想念你 在我的 心中都不可比擬
你走後 什麼都 已經消失在風雨裡
一場雨 想念你 我愛你

一場雨 把我困在這裏 你冷漠的表情會讓我傷心
六月的雨 就是無情的你 伴隨著點點滴滴痛擊我心裏

wo~我不相信 你不是故意的 卻為何把我丟棄在風雨裏
wo~我不忍心 也不想背叛你 唯有默默等你 回心轉意

我沒有放棄 也不會離你而去 那怕要分開 我依然等你
我全心全意 等你的消息 總會有一天
你會相信我 我愛你

一場雨 想念你 在我的 心中都不可比擬
你走了 什麼都 已經消失在風雨裡
一場雨 想念你 我愛你




12:09 PM ; smile'

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Removed tag board cause of spammers with links which could link to malicious websites in case any visitor clicked on those by accident.

Anyway, have a feeling that something bad is going to happen so I'm doing this entry if something really happen and this is my last post.

A few days ago, I entered the lift from the ground level and the arrow was pointing down. It happened again today so it's probably a bad omen I guess. Have been down on luck etc for quite some time. Had headache for a few days last week but acted as if there's nothing, had an unpleasant experience in something else, and having some other trouble.

Wanted to sleep at 9pm earlier on but woke up at 10+ suddenly. Didn't sleep well these few days and I don't know what's happening. Maybe the next time I sleep, that's it. haha. Oh well, maybe it doesn't really bother me anymore.

Maybe everything is in it's current state for a purpose. So that when I leave, less ppl will be affected. But if it's going to happen, I hope it happens before school starts so that my education loan will not become a burden for my family...

So in case anything bad really happen, I would like to thank my family for the care they gave for all these years. Thank all my friends especially those who spend time hearing me out whenever I have problems.

I must say my life is quite a failure. I don't have many friends who i can confide in. I don't have many friends to go out together with for movies. I wasn't good in academic studies, i'm not street smart, i failed in some other things and probably many others as well. I didn't perform well in work previously and lost some friends who I thought could be friends who I can finally confide in.

Oh well. I think I stop here for now and see if I will still be able to post more in future.



11:57 PM ; smile'

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

A lot of things happened lately. Mostly are unhappy and unlucky things. Well, there are decisions which are very difficult for me to make. But still, I will change myself to be how I used to 10years ago. Serious and never worry that much.

Sometimes I wonder if being selfish reduces the hurt 1 gets when something bad happens. since the person loves him/herself more, how much hurt could he/she get? Life have to go on but I am thankful for the few but good friends I could talk to when I have both good and bad memories.

I think, I will be waiting for a miracle to happen. As for now, it's time to sleep. Hopefully I am able to wake up in the morning for my morning run. doing evening run as well. making myself go through a fake BMT (- all the static exercises). Hoping to lose about 5-10kg in 1 week. lol... not very possible but it will never happen if I never tried.



11:37 PM ; smile'

thePROFILE;

People don't know me like they think they do

theLOVE;

Still her

theHATE;

-

theWISH;

World Peace
We will never be separated
Do well in studies for both of us
Maybe I still want to try NTT?

theEXITS;

link
link
Dennis
link
link
link
link
link
link
link

thePAST;


May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
September 2009
February 2010
June 2010
January 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011

theMUSIC;


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com

theCREDITS;
host: blogger
blogskins
brushes : x o x
picture: deviantART
designer: wintermin
pls do not remove the credit.